|
WE MISS YOU ALL :: Noerine Kaleeba:
AIDS in the Family by Noerine Kaleeba with Sunanda Ray
2nd Edition, Published by SAfAIDS, Harare 2002.
Reviewed for Arts Event List by Vivienne Hamblin ::
Underlying 'We Miss You All' is the relationship between Noerine Kaleeba
and Sunanda Ray in the writing of an oral history. Surprisingly this book
is important as a testament to this process of sharing, not primarily
as a reference book on AIDS in the Family, although is could be used that
way. It is a fantastic piece of work, a deep friendship, inclusively readable
for those who are curious about life. The story of a woman, who turns
out to be 'not just any woman' in the context of three generations.
When the 'AIDS Wall' was 'opened' at the Harare Art Gallery, AEL thought
it likely to appeal to Marcel Duchamp but felt embarrassed that it most
closely resembled a urinal, something dirty. Our prejudices were confirmed
by staff from SAfAIDS who applauded " the creative efforts that produced
this installation" but felt that "As one circles the wall, it
is the images of wretchedness and grief, blame and stigma which strike
the viewer... Messages of prevention, hope and positive living are there,
yet only in the context of being ignored by people in the midst of debauchery
and exploitation. ..we all have a part to play in responding to the epidemic
and generating hope in our homes and communities. ." (See http://www.samara.co.zw/twinarts/Rev3aids.htm)
But what could possibly be entailed in the "positive images of life
with HIV and AIDS"? Laudable sentiments but a bit farfetched, I thought.
But 'We Miss You All' does just that. As Emma Thompson says in the new
forward to this second edition "Noerine Kaleeba displays... an inexhaustible
talent for being alive" and I take note at being told off for 'wearing
stained old..sandals on official visits'. Yes, the book is about AIDS
and the husband that Noerine Kaleeba misses. She takes that fearful journey,
confronted by a life threatening situation she meets it and swings her
whole life round to 'fighting HIV'. As a UK comedian said of his crutches
as he flung them across the room 'See ... they are useless without me'.
And so too, Kaleeba points out HIV is dead without a host. It is the host
that is alive. And Noerine Kaleeba with Sunanda Ray have a lively and
informed humour and offer professional, nurturing, emotional strength.
In the early 1990's in Zimbabwe the only ACTUAL people who we met who
were living with AIDS, brave enough to come out, were also living professionally
with AIDS. In a hopeless sense it seemed that their last opportunity to
survive was in the full pay of NGO's if they contracted to come out. Often
they lost the support of their own communities by allowing themselves
to be named as having AIDS. There is a contrast here with Noerine Kaleeba
who is also the author of her organisation, and in control of her choices.
There are many outstanding parts to Noerine Kaleeba's fascinating journey.
In the early part of the book she talks about the discovery that her husband
is mortally ill with a disease that she knows nothing about. Her necessary
bravery in going to an unknown community to look after her partner with
an unknown disease is set in a discourse about the professionals she met
on the way. Exceptional friendships sometimes become possible when defences
are down. The telling of the story is paced, parallel to the way in which
these professionals/friends allow for a process of time and empathy to
give space to the individual who must live her own life.
Then there is the discussion of 'Living with AIDS' being more important
than dying with AIDS that results in the Kaleebas decision that the family
should live together at home, rather than that one member should die in
exile, abroad with fantastic medical services. There is a balancing act
of taking control when one is able and letting go. Noerine Kaleeba's decides
initially, or is it a case of indecision, to live as if she were HIV positive,
rather than be caught out hoping against hope. It is her way of taking
control but it provides a ground for her community to dance upon.
The greatest of all the moral dilemmas, is also looked at pragmatically,
as a living reality. How can we ensure that the HIV virus is isolated
in a Polygamous society. The authors took this section at a 'walking pace'
as I the reader sparked off with flying judgements and prejudice. The
answer was given in terms of life. Obviously, if not in a polygamous relationship
now is not the time to enter 'one'. For multiple partners the lies may
begin but how do different people deal with real life. There is no panacea
on offer - it is loving and living with or without HIV that is a process.
Letter from Africa in the Guardian, several years ago, took on the great
question of how the anthropologist should responsibly approach telling
the first wife that the abouttobeinherited second wife's husband had died
of AIDS. Several columns later, the answer lay not with the anthropologist
but within the complexity of the community who shared the information
and a solution for support.
And through all this nurturing, loving, counselling and supporting Emma
Thompson's assertion holds, that Kaleeba displays an 'inexhaustible talent
for being alive.' Being alive, notsuperwoman. This includes that moment
that carers and counsellors face where they feel 'used up'; 'exhausted'
and can 'givenomore'. .. when the time comes to take a new path, even
if it appears to be turning one's back on the past. Noerine Kaleeba's
emotional well may be dry, but the talent for being alive and for change
allows her to fill it by taking a new approach.... to live and work in
a different way. The first edition came out in 1991 and has been reissued
with these reflections on now working for UNAIDS. The additional material
from Noerine's daughters invaluably gives a perspective over time, and
a window into how generations differ in their experiences.
Books are available from SAfAIDS or from sunanda28@hotmail.com 'We Miss
You All' is a book that is worth having as there are many gems to quote.
It is also a book about using time well and I will go back for them in
my own time.
Vivienne Hamblin
(Sept 2003 Arts Event List)
Return to top
|